On topic blog for a change, can you believe it?
It’s amazing that I can appear to be in good spirits on my blog when I feel like complete crap in real life! I’ve gotten enough sleep over the past several days, which is great for me. I woke up this morning wondering why I had to go to work. I’m unsure of the reason of the dread, but it was definitely there. I went to work, and I was here for an hour before my head started to ache. Took an allergy pill and found some saline, so it feels a little better. The spot where I cracked my skull hurts like a bitch, but that’s to be expected. So, I’m feeling a little better physically. Now my tolerance for stupidity is at the brim.
It’s one of those days where I’m prickly. That’s the best definition. If someone touches me it feels like electricity to me, and any sort of stimulation is just too much. I can’t usually hear people talking around me, because I’ve learned to tune them out, but today I’m really sensitive, and it’s starting to bother me. Usually that’s a sign of a migraine, but my head doesn’t hurt like a migraine. The other is a symptom of anxiety, which is most definitely possible.
I had some anxiety issues yesterday that surfaced. I didn’t recognize it right away and thought it was depression. M’s been gone for nearly a week now, so it’s really quiet in the house. You never know that you’re going to miss someone that much until they’re gone for a certain period of time. I guess my “homesickness” begins after 6 days, or when I’m not busy doing something. I realized yesterday that I didn’t have any of my anxiety meds with me, and tried to remind myself last night to put some in my purse for today, but alas.
So, now I’m sitting here wanting the people I work with to stop yelling at each other having an outdoor voice conversation, but being passive aggressive about it by putting on my headphones because I don’t want to piss anyone off. This is one of those days where things are getting to me when they shouldn’t. Maybe I should have taken a mental health day, but I’m trying not to do that. It seems that I have to take one day a month for health reasons, which leaves very few days for actual sick/vacation days. I’m trying to really curb the feeling to just take the day.
I need to hit Yoga classes after work to help balance myself. The training sessions are great, because they get my mind off of everything else and on what I need to get done. They’re an exclamation point to the end of my day, especially when I accomplish something I didn’t used to be able to do. That’s been a rarity these days since the car accident, but I’m getting back up there.
It’s time to tell the therapist about some of the things that are going on. I’m unsure if it’s normal, and I’m just now recognizing this stuff, or if it’s new. It’s difficult to differentiate between the neurological issues from the car accident from the issues that I’ve dealt with most my life. Confusion abounds!
Gotta get into my own head and get things balanced before I go off the deep end and take it out on the wrong person. The last thing M. needs is for me to be in a pissy mood when he gets home later this week, and get into it with him for no reason other than the pent up emotions. Gotta find an outlet today & tomorrow that’s not self-destructive. Not going out drinking with friends tonight, gonna take big kitty to the vet. Tomorrow is therapy, so that’s a good thing. Don’t think I have anything on Thursday, and Friday is training, then maybe karaoke. That will definitely get my mind off things, if I can last that long.
I simply love having a mental illness and a neurological disorder. The combination of the two make for a fabulous day.